Voice Mail Villanelle
by Dan Skwire

We're grateful that you called today
And sorry that we're occupied.
We will be with you right away.

Press one if you would like to stay,
Press two if you cannot decide.
We're grateful that you called today.

Press three to end this brief delay,
Press four if you believe we've lied.
We will be with you right away.

Press five to hear some music play,
Press six to speak with someone snide.
We're grateful that you called today.

Press seven if your hair's turned gray,
Press eight if you've already died.
We will be with you right away.

Press nine to hear recordings say
That service is our greatest pride.
We're grateful that you called today.
We will be with you right away.

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A Benevolent Villanelle
by Tom Disch

Pity the bigots who scream and yell.
They're victims of their social class
And cannot help the way they smell.

Of cheap perfume and muscatel.
They're loud and coarse and shrill and crass.
Oh, pity the bigots who scream and yell

And scribble curses they misspell,
Whose bowels are ever letting gas,
So they can't help the way they smell.

Their daily life's a form of hell
With test upon test they'll never pass.
Pity the bigots who scream and yell,

And offer them a looking glass
Inscribed, in Hebrew, I'm an ass.
Pity the bigots who scream and yell
And cannot help the way they smell.

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